Emotional Intelligence training is based on a perception of human nature that views emotions as physiological responses to events in reality. This concept is reinforced by recent brain research. The emotional process in all of us is an “automatic pilot” that warns us of dangers and helps us navigate toward a balanced and satisfying life, as it aims to bring us back to emotional safety when we perceive events in reality as threatening, often on a subconscious level.
But what happens when our automatic pilot operates in a repetitive cycle of short circuits, such that the results are destructive, undermine our emotional security, and diminish our happiness?
Emotional Intelligence training helps us to examine all aspects of our life in this light, and offers effective ways to deal with challenges, and to change habitual patterns which were originally intended to regain a sense of safety, but are no longer serving us today.
Through coaching and emotional therapy, we learn to create healthy new habits, deal with traumas and crises, manage healthier relationships at home and work, and love, and realize our unique abilities and gifts to the world.
What does emotional safety have to do with time?
Time management sounds like a pair of words from the business world of the last century, but it is actually an important skill of emotional intelligence. Trainers in the field, myself included, teach now days about the management of energy and attention. However, changes in the economy and in employment have created a society in which people give up their time in favor of new values, such as money and achievement. A new concept has been created, called "Quality Time", while the quality of our personal time is notably in decline.
Make a list of the ten things that matter most to you in life, and now arrange them in order of priorities. Next, consider how much time you assign to each of the things on your list. Is the amount of time consistent with the importance of each item in your life? Most likely not.
But what happens to us when we do not do with our time the things that are really important to us?
First, stress happens. The less in control we feel over our personal time, the more we will attempt to compensate ourselves in various areas of our lives, by means meant to regain our sense of control.
Bring Back the Orgasm!
In one story I read, a woman in the 50's came to coaching after "suddenly" becoming unable to reach an orgasm. It turned out during her first session, that since her children left the nest and she had plenty of free time, she has lost her sense of control. In the past, she did not manage her time at all, because she spent most of it meeting the needs of family members. Now that much time has been freed up, she is in a state of anxiety because of the loss of relative safety that she had, and turns the need to restore control of her life to her sexual relations with her husband, by unconsciously depriving herself of orgasm. During her coaching, this woman learned to manage her time in a way that works for her, and restored her emotional safety, as well as her sexual pleasure.
What are Your Personal Values?
Healthy time management involves setting a scale of values and priorities.
In a process involving guided imagery, I help my clients discover their values precisely, and then ask how they work to achieve them, and whether and how they may be in conflict with one other. Then we gradually adapt to their real priorities, taking into account the reality of their lives, as they learn to communicate their true needs with others, in a healthy and effective way. In this process, they make agreements with themselves that they can commit to keeping, and they make new choices that are not part of their "autopilot" and that bring completely new outcomes, so they can feel great!
The Real Concept of Time - Are There Past and Future?
It is no wonder that this skill has been neglected relatively easily in our society. Each person has a different perception of time than others, and it is based on three times: past, present, and future. In reality, these three times do not exist, but rather, we can only speak of time as the present that lasts from moment to moment. Engaging in the past or the future binds us to a false sense of control, and thus impairs our ability to adapt ourselves to the reality of "here and now," not to mention enjoy it.
Even in this field, coaching can help. When we learn to observe our "automatic" responses, and to use practical tools to bring our attention back to the present, whenever it is at the mercy of our thoughts, emotions, and feelings.
Starting, Finishing, & The Cycles of Nature
We all have an emotional mechanism that is responsible for how we perceive ourselves, as well as for how we begin and end relationships, or projects in our lives. Does the way you start and finish things bring you the results that you want? Is your self-image based on someone you used to be? Or will be? Is the way you perceive others based on similar judgment?
A healthy perception of time helps us improve and develop our self-awareness, and as a result, our relationships with ourselves and with others. Connecting to the natural cycle of day and night, as well as of the seasons, can help us because it provides a basic, intrinsic sense of safety. It is related, for example, to the time we go to bed at night and wake up in the morning, and even to whether or not we consume fruits in their natural season!
If you would like to learn more about guidelines for managing your time in life and business - contact me and let's meet for personal coaching!
Bonus Tip: Living on Einstein Time
Have you ever wondered why an hour with a loved one feels like a minute, while a minute on a hot stove feels like an eternity? Dr. Gay Hendrix of Stanford University, teaches us that the difference between the two states is the love we exert in each. Simply put, when we do something we love, time passes by us too fast! So the next time you feel that time is running out or there is not enough time for your workload, try to find what there is to love, even in the most boring or irritating tasks. You'll notice the change, and there will be enough time for everything. Check it, it works!